HUMOR: Move Over and Let the Dog Drive
by Cynthia Sue Larson
August 22, 2000

Taco Bell

I've got a confession to make. I keep a small, plastic Taco Bell kid's meal Chihuahua dog in my car as an important part of my navigational system. Whenever I find myself wondering which driving route is best, I'm so glad to know that my dog has all the answers.

No, this Chihuahua isn't one of the much sought after Taco Bell "talking dogs"... it's the oracular variety. My dog comes equipped with a Magic 8-Ball style die floating in a liquid medium under a plastic window with several different messages. While the questions I ask the dog always change, it's answers are limited to the following possibile replies:

I know what you're probably wondering. How can a mere child's toy possibly provide a kind of guidance system that can compete with today's newest technologies such as palm pilots, global positioning systems (GPS) and high-tech compasses?

Simple. I test-drive with the dog when traffic conditions get challenging or I get lost, and see how it performs. I've so far managed to utlize it several times, and have been increasingly impressed with it's usefulness.

On a recent road trip this summer, I was driving along on the freeway when traffic ahead of me became quite congested, and I could see cars were slowing to a stop. I was in an unfamiliar (to me) part of California, and I faced a decision about whether to stay on the freeway or take a side street. I took this opportunity to test-drive the Chihuahua oracular navigational system -- picking up the little plastic dog, gazing deeply into his eyes and asking "Will this trip go more smoothly if I exit the freeway now?"

I kept my eyes locked on the dog's until I sensed a kind of "pop"... what physicist Fred Alan Wolf associates with the way our conscious awareness pops a qwiff (quantum wave function), as we select one of an infinite number of possible universes to experience -- since our very observation of reality becoming physical affects what is about to occur. Quantum wave functions can be thought of as either flowing like waves, or popping into physically observable form.

It's good to note that anything at all can act as a divination tool, since everything in this living universe is interconnected with everything else, and consciousness is everywhere in everything. Through our intentions to discover information that is sometimes difficult to ascertain on a conscious level, we can get quick answers very simply using any of a number of divination tools.

I flipped the dog over to view his reply:

and exited the freeway at that point. I was immediately faced with a decision about whether to turn left or right... either crossing to the other side of the freeway or remaining on the side I was on. I again consulted the Chihuahua, this time asking "Would it be best to turn left here?", and I received the response:

which I generally take to be an indicator of agreement, as in "Yes.. that's going to be very cool".

I turned left, and discovered to my delight that there was a frontage road here which permitted traffic to flow at a good speed for many miles. We drove along smoothly, looking out the window at the miles of traffic jam on the freeway to our right.

I've since consulted the Taco Bell dog for all sorts of quick questions that come up while driving, and it's been a steady driving companion and source of good, fast information ever since. Yes, any dowsing tool would do as well, but I've got a special soft spot for my Taco Bell dog.

Every time I see one of those

bumper stickers now, I smile and give my Chihuahua a loving pat.

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